Every year, it seems to get worse-people complaining about how stressed out they are about the holidays. The source is different from person to person-money, the family gift exchange, the office party, the travel-but the effect is real and consistent across the board. It's my feeling that a lot of this pressure can be relieved by putting into action my "Twelve Days of Christmas: Twelve Ways to Less Stress" list. My gift to you!

1. If some Christmas-related expectation is bothering you, ask yourself: "Do I have to do/participate in/attend this?" If the answer is "no," get rid of it. No Christmas police are going to arrest you.
2. If the answer to #1 above is "yes," ask yourself, "Why do I have to do this?" and be completely honest when you answer it. You'll find that this really clarifies whether or not you do, in fact, have to do it. Probably you don't. But if it turns out that you do, try to find some humor in the situation. It can be very empowering to laugh at a situation in which you're not in the driver's seat.
3. Have a talk with your immediate family and find out one or two specific things that they like best about Christmas. Add your own things and then concentrate on that list. Let everything else slip to the second tier of your priorities-or off the list altogether.
4. Indulge in forgiveness during the holidays. Forgive your boss, your siblings, your kids, your spouse-whoever has been annoying you or causing you heartache. Forgive yourself that this holiday isn't the Most Perfect Christmas Ever. None of them ever are, but they're all beautiful in their own way.
5. Drop out of the Christmas arms race and embrace vicarious joys. Walk through a well-decorated neighborhood and enjoy what other busy beavers have done, instead of feeling you have to load up your own house with decorations and lights. If you have the time and the inclination, attend a free concert (often held at schools and churches) instead of feeling pressured to go caroling.
6. Say no early and often. If you have too many invitations and too many obligations, say no. If anyone presses you for an explanation, just say, "Sorry I can't come-I already have plans that night." Your plans may revolve around bunny slippers and Cheerios in front of the boob tube, but those are plans nonetheless.
7. Corollary to #6: you wouldn't hand your wallet over to other people to spend your money any way they want, so don't allow them to do it with your calendar and your time. A good way to decide whether or not you want to do something is to say, "That's X hours of my life I'll never get back. Is that how I want to spend those hours?"
8. Think it through before doing something just because you've always done it (or your family always did it). Make thoughtful decisions about how you budget your time and energy. Is it really necessary (or enjoyable) to make homemade toffee for everyone in your office, or to decorate every single room in your house? Probably not. Drop some of these efforts-or minimize them so they're manageable.
9. If you want to alter gift-giving practices with family and friends, make a note in your calendar for June of next year. People tend to get thin-skinned around the holidays, so December is not the time to suggest that everyone donate to a charity in each other's names. Perspective is easiest to come by at the midway point between Christmasses.
10. If other people have already raised possible changes to the gift-giving in your circle, ask yourself, "Do I have to do it their way?" Listen and be open to compromise, but don't let other people dictate what you do. (When other people say, "I just want to make sure we're all on the same page," what they really mean is often, "I just want to make sure we're all on my page.") It's fine to address other people's requests with a kind and cheerful, "I'm sorry-that doesn't really work for me/us." This approach works in virtually any situation; if you're polite, firm and don't seem open to explanation, people usually back off. Remember, you're a grown-up and you're allowed to do what you want to do.
11. If you want to skip the whole Christmas card thing, make time between Christmas and the end of January to call a few dear friends instead. Say, "I wanted to have a real visit with you instead of just sending a card." People will be flattered that you are giving them your time and attention instead of an unsigned, mass-produced photo card. You'll get more out of it, too.
12. If you're feeling sorry for yourself or having trouble getting into the spirit of things, visit the pediatric ward of a hospital or check out a homeless shelter. You'll be amazed what it does for your state of mind, and you may be inspired to help out those you see in need-which helps them and helps you. And at some point during the season, do something kind-anything-for a total stranger. As Aesop wrote, "No act of kindness, no matter how small, is ever wasted."

Post Office Box 835
East Liverpool, Ohio 43920 USA
E-MAIL: WordBanquet@gmail.com
Thank you for visiting www.WordBanquet.com!